4 Reasons Why They Want the Relationship to Be a Secret

Let me clarify upfront: Your relationship isn't public business. You can date without your 5,000 Facebook friends knowing—no need to announce it at church or post for likes. Wait until your wedding cards are out if that's your style. I recommend it. But certain people should know immediately.

• Your physical parents (father, mother, guardians, mentors). How can a girl date without telling her mom? Baffling.


• Your spiritual parents (pastors, counselors). Pastors aren't scarecrows—relationships aren't sin. Tell us so we can pray and counsel you. Their guidance saves stress.


• Your family (sisters, brothers). You'll need their counsel and watchful eyes.


• Your real friends (not just Facebook ones). Let them watch and pray with you.

When a serious person proposes a relationship leading to marriage (or accepts yours), they're eager to tell those who matter—and want you to do the same. If they insist on total secrecy from everyone, raise red flags. Here are 4 reasons people hide relationships:

1. One or Both of You Aren't Sure What (or Who) You Want

Many relationships run like covert missions—secret meetings like undercover cops or NDLEA detectives. Often, it's because they're still figuring out:

• What to do with their lives.


• If this person is "the one."

This shouldn't be. Don't enter a relationship unsure—avoid trial-and-error with multiple exes. Start with friendship: investigate (genotype, background, compatibility), pray, observe. By the time you're ready for a relationship, no need for "Secret Service Romance" (SSR). Don't hide it like contraband or cocaine. If asked if you're dating, don't say "it's complicated"—that's confusion. If you must hide it, you probably shouldn't be in it.

2. You or They Are Doing Something Evil

John 3:20: "For everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light, lest their deeds be exposed." Wrongdoers avoid authorities—like Adam after the forbidden fruit. They'll beg secrecy. If you're the side chick, your roommate might be the main one. Or they're engaged/married but want "fun" (and your money for Brazilian hair). They hide from your pastor or parents because scrutiny ends their game fast.

3. The Relationship Is Illegal

If one (or both) knows something the other doesn't—making it prosecutable—they'll hide it. Examples: dating your sister's husband, your landlord's underage daughter, a pastor with a member, teacher with a JSS3 student, or you're both underage (e.g., 14—cancel, don't counsel). Deep down, they know they're unqualified or it's morally/Scripturally wrong, yet they crave it. Secrecy protects the forbidden.

4. They're Not Interested in Anything Serious

How does someone say, "Let's date, but nothing serious—don't tell anyone"? "Relationship" and "not too serious" don't mix. Relationships are serious—Jesus died for one; it saved me. It's about a human life; mess up with the wrong person, and your future crumbles fast. Many have died from bad ones. Next time they say "keep it secret," don't blame "enemies." Ask:

• Secret from who exactly?


• For what reason?