10 Ways to Spot the Wrong Lady for Marriage

1. Be mindful of a lady who does not have a relationship with God or any desire to build one—she should be avoided, unless you also lack a relationship with Him. A woman who loves and respects the Lord will love and respect you in obedience to Him. She will support you spiritually through prayers, encourage you with the Word when you're down, and teach your children the ways of the Lord. She is a home builder, not a home breaker!


2. Never marry a woman who finds it difficult to respect her father, elder brother, or any male authority figure—she will struggle to submit to you. Men perceive respect as proof of love, and it's in their nature to value those who respect them. A good woman submits to her husband not because he always deserves it, but because it's her nature and God commands it.


3. Watch for a woman who is teachable, flexible, and humble. An arrogant, stubborn, or rigid woman is prone to building a bad marriage—avoid her if you want peace at home. Willingness to learn can improve any woman over time, no matter how crude, immature, or incompatible she seems. Flexible people adapt to change, which is constant in marriage.


4. Be wary of a lady who has perfected the art of deception. She may pretend to be an angel, love you at all costs, and do anything to entice you—but reveal her true nature after marriage. If everything you do is right to her, and she never gets angry no matter how you treat her, she's likely not genuine. Some act this way out of desperation, poor self-image, or greed (e.g., for money). Marry a woman so genuine that you love her in her best and worst states. Pretense leads to dysfunction, not lasting commitment.


5. Never marry a woman who loves you for your money, family background, or social status. If (God forbid) your wealth vanishes, she may abandon you or nag you endlessly. Money has wings—it can fly away and return—but true love endures forever. Marriage is about the two of you, driven by character, not family name or status.


6. Avoid a woman who is very lazy and expects a man to provide everything. If she's always demanding money, clothes, airtime, or material things no matter how much you give, steer clear. A woman should be self-reliant, industrious, and financially independent to some extent. It's fine to request help or gifts from someone you love, but when it becomes a burdensome pattern, it's not love—it's obligation. Women who truly love their men seek to support and build them up, not drain them.


7. Never marry a woman who hardly tells the truth or has a tendency to steal out of greed or any reason—she may embarrass you one day. It's hard to trust or vouch for a liar. I heard of a wedding in Nigeria called off the night before: the bride stole jewelry bought by her fiancé's mother for the daughter-in-law. During the search, it was found in her sister's box; the sister confessed the bride asked her to hide it. A young man from the US and his family walked away from this dishonest beauty. Anyone who lies without remorse may steal. May God open your eyes!


8. Be wary of a woman with unrealistic expectations, like expecting you to fill the emotional void from her absent or unloving father. A husband can't parent his wife—that's her father's role; he parents their children. Only God is Father to the fatherless. Marry a whole, mature woman who finds fulfillment in God, not a man.


9. Never marry a lady who can't delay gratification. She's a shopping freak—always buying more clothes, jewelry, or shoes, rarely saving. Unless you're as rich as Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, it could burden you. Also avoid one who can't control her sexual desires or values her body lowly. A virtuous woman exercises restraint in emotions and spending.


10. Avoid a lady who doesn't love your friends and family—she isolates you from them while keeping hers close. A good woman has a large heart and accommodates others. Marriage integrates your nuclear family into the extended one, not isolation.

There are many other factors, but above all, find a woman who loves God more than you or anyone else. Her love for Him will bring out her best and enable unreserved love for you, as it pleases God. When seeking a wife, look for a virtuous woman's traits (below). But remember: Become Mr. Right before seeking Mrs. Right. Perfection isn't human.

What the Bible Says About a Great Wife (Proverbs 31:10-31)

• A wife of noble character—who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.


• Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.


• She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.


• She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.


• She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.


• She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.


• She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.


• She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.


• She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.


• She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.


• She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.


• She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.


• She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.


• She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.


• She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.


• Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

May God grant you the grace to discover the right mate.